I WISH

I really wish people could just shut up and be happy for me. Instead they have to run their mouths. I'm not a child. I know what I'm doing and what I'm getting myself into. I know the consequences, if he's not being real with me.

I never met a man like him before. He makes me smile and laugh when I'm miserable. He genuinely cares. He touches me how I've only dreamt of being touched. He doesn't ask for anything in return. I feel a bit selfish, he's done more for me, than I have for him. I tell him something and he listens. He doesn't believe in secrets between partners. All the big things I can think of, we both agree on...

I still have communication problems, I know that won't change overnight, but he's patient with me, and that makes me want to open up. He doesn't judge me, but he tells me how he thinks or feels about a situation.

I've finally met a man, that cares about me just as much as I care about him, and is willing to come to me, and show me he cares. I've been with so many men, that I felt resentful, because I felt like it was only me that wanted the relationship. It was only me that was spending money to see them... And I met this guy now and he can't wait to see me and he lives on the other side of the country. For years, he wasn't even in this country.

I love him. I truely do. People can say its too soon. That I'm getting ahead of myself. They can tell me I'm crazy. But I say to them, "Shut the fuck up, just be happy for me!!!" I haven't had any hopes or dreams for myself for so long. This isn't just about him. His positiveness has rubbed on me... And regardless of whether him and I work out, I hope I can keep this positive attitude. I still have so much to be depressed about, and as I sit here almost in tears, I am thankful for all that I have to be happy for.

I am thankful for the most wonderful daughter in the world. I'm thankful for my sister to be here. I'm thankful, I do have somewhere to live right now. I'm thankful for all my friends and family that do love me. I'm thankful to be breathing right now, and not struggling for a breath. I'm thankful to have Dan in my life. I'm thankful he's come at a time when I need him. I hope that I can only show him as much love as he shows me.

I pray right now, that today will be a better day than yesterday, and that regardless of the trials I'm put thru, I'll try not to loose faith in myself,and my hopes for my future, and for my family.