Ok, well the other day... I wrote a whole lot of touchy feely things here, and knowing my luck, the computer at work, messed up as i was trying to Post & Publish it. Oh
well... Well her I come to write again. I don't much to say, though. I am not doing so good. I'm not feeling well,and I'm getting nervous..and stuff about moving.

My car is still not fixed, I really haven't done anything. Big problem is money though. Not sure I have enough. And what happens if I have trouble getting an apartment.
I keep dreading that. I am going to have to live in a shitty litte apartment. And pay most of my money to daycare. My car will die, and I will be stuck again. I am so scared.
I just wish, that I had someone around to love and support me. I am beginning to hate my life here. I do know, though, that things will get better.

I have yet to call most my family and tell them I'm moving. I guess that I should do that tommorrow.

Well I dont have anything else to say that would be productive, so I will shut up now.

Em, It's been a while since I've wrote here... on my website. WELL, with all the bad things that have happened to me lately, some good things are finally starting to come thru. I'm moving out of the apartment that I share with Wil. I can't handle living with him. He makes me want to be violent. That is NOT my good side.

I went on a date with Shane yesterday, it was same old.. same old. He picked me up at Hobby Lobby, and I seriously thought we were going out.. going out.. But we went back to his.. house. The same house, he told me that he had moved out of. Everything he said, didnt' make sense. Oh.. well he told.. me.. oh, he's been single since December, and that.. he didn't really date any girls, just hung out with them a while. YEAH!! well that is what he does with me. I can just imagine how many other girls, he has over. He always, seems to want to demand, me to do something. Then, after a while, I think he gets sick of hearing me say no, and that is when.. he says..he has a meeting, or has to go to work. Oh well. I didnt' want to date him .. I just wanted to get someone else off my mind. It doesn't seem to be working.

All the nice guys, seem to be married(or dating) or gay. I'm not sure I understand this. It's crazy. Every guy I meet, is either, crazy, clingy.. or married. With the exception of one. Well, and maybe he is crazy. But I'm crazy too, so I guess that part doesn't matter. I guess it's the degree of craziness.

I can't believe I am finally moving out. I'm so nervous and scared. I hope things go alright. I have so many things to do this week. You should hear Wil, he's been so evil lately. I think he has a major mental problem. Oh, well, soon enough.. not my problem. I just hope Darian does alright... I don't want to break her heart. I know this will hurt her. As long as Wil acts civil though, he can see her.

Well, I need to get off this.. thing, and write a letter to my brother, and a friend..and do some homework. Wish anyone that reads this.. a great day.

Well, today was uneventful. The best thing that really happened today, was I got to chat briefly with a friend that was out of town for a few days. I enjoy, his company(although brief) very much. I've had a rough weekend.. I guess you would call it that.

Thursday and Friday I had off. School was Thursday. I did ok on my test. My essay is going ok also. Friday I went to Wellington. Wil finally let me use his car. The drive down was nice. Very pleasant. Meeting my friend was great also. She's very very nice.

Saturday I had to work. That was fun also. I got to hang out talking to Michael most of the day. And also got to talk to Mickey for a little bit. I had not seen him all week. Work is usually the highlight of my days.

Some strange things happened in the last few days. I'm not sure what to do about it. These things happened between me and Wil. I think he wants to get back together. I have no desire to do so. I want someone to truely love me. Someday I will find that. I think I will be breaking his heart. He's been telling me that he loves me for like three days. And I just shrug him off and say, Yes.. I know.

Well not sure what else to write. Today was my Grandmother's Birthday. I can't believe I didn't remember. I never remember important things.

With the exception of today, I have been much happier. I am trying not to dwell on what I can't have, and just work on what I do have. I'm still losing weight.. this makes me so happy. I fit into the pants.. from my mom, that I didnt' fit into three years ago(almost) when she bought them. I have reached my first goal. I can't wait.. till I lose about 30 more pounds.. I will look sooo hot. Oh, wait.. I already do..

Well I will end this here and now. I am going to get offline. I think Darian may have just went to sleep. :)

Well not sure how my day went today. I guess that is was ok. Not that great. Not that bad. Work was tiring, and boring at the same time. I had a guy yell at me, and say that he wanted to talk to someone else, so when I was transferring him, he hung up. Laughs, that is typical of men like that.

I still have not contacted that guy. The one that likes me so much, but I don't trust him. And so far, he has not called me either. That is a good thing. The other guy, the one I like so much, and doesn't like me. Well that is uneventful. As usual. I guess it's not a matter of him not liking me. I think there are other reasons for the way he acts. None of which I will mention, because they will make me seem paranoid. I think. I have school, tommorrow. Oh NO. Hopefully I will have time to work on my essay. Still don't know if I can get Friday off. I wish I could find out soon. I really want to take it off.

I'm still pissed. I found out today for sure, the temps are getting paid more than me. It sucks. Everyone agrees I should take it up to with my boss. I dunno... what to think. I hate .. I dunno. I know I deserve to make more money, but in the same breath.. I don't want to rattle anyones chains. Especially since this... was supposed to be a secret and not told to anyone.

I guess I will stop writing now, and get my butt to bed. I hope to have lovely dreams of possibly falling in love. I had some neat dreams last nite (or the nite before) of my wonderful flying acrobats. Those dreams are also fun.

Another day, another dollar. I got upset on the way home from work, because the temps are getting paid as much as I am. I've put in almost a year with Viking. And I tell myself.. it's ok, Julie, you of all people know life is NOT fair. Oh well. So why does it piss me off so? Um.. I have no idea.

I get home tonite.. and think... Oh.. I can have a snack, no such luck. All the good snacks are eaten all up. It only took them two days this time. Least they gave me a chance so I could have some earlier today. I am mad at myself for putting Darian in a group with Wil. She's picking up all his bad habits.

That guy came over today. His intentions were the same I believe. He didn't explain anything to me at all. It wasn't a bad visit though. I was nice to feel some affection. Hard to stave him off though. Least he knows that I don't trust him. Although I couldn't begin to tell him, why or.. why I did not want to date him. Um.. He's too agressive. I feel shy and reserved around him, maybe somewhat scared. I guess scared really isnt' the word. I don't what is the right word.

I also think about this other guy too much. When I go to sleep, when I wake... any time I have a chance. It's hard on me. I wish I could just forget, and make my life easier. He is so unforgettable though. I know that he will never change his mind. But I wish he that he could. I keep telling myself, that it's ok, and then he pops into my head again. It's almost like a nightmare.

I am so unprepared for my test, and for finishing my essay. I guess I should work on them tommorrow. If only I have the time. The.. idiot guy, wants to see me again... and I didn't outright say no. I should of... but I didn't. So who knows, he will probably call. I am hoping not, I'm hoping he will just forget.