The Ultimate Purity Test

Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
Category	Your Score	Average
Self-Lovin'	51.7% Explored the pleasures of the flesh	64.9%
Shamelessness	69% It takes a couple of drinks	79%
Sex Drive	86.8% The Pope is envious	77.4%
Straightness	7.1% Knows the other body type like a map	44.1%
Gayness	76.8% Repressed, are we?	83.8%
Fucking Sick	92% Refreshingly normal	90%
You are 63.94% pure Average Score: 72.5%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test and see how you match up! (By The Ferrett)

So many more...

Thoughts I want to post, but I don't know where to even start.
It gets sooo soo complicated. So filled with emotion.

I realize so much. (It started with a conversation with a great friend last nite) About me, and men and relationships, and sex. I always have sex too early in the relationship, and I know this. I also knew that I used sex to fill my lonelyness, the lonelyness I wanted to be filled with love. So I got upset, but I knew exactly what he was saying.

The same thing comes up in group today. Four of us women, all have similiar relationships with men. All have sex way too much, and don't receive love in return.

I finally found the man of my dreams. The one that shows me more love than I ever feel I deserve & I fuck it up, by having sex with him, knowing already that he doesn't love me. At least not like that. I wish he'd just look at why. Maybe he is, but he never brings it up. If I bring it up, he'll talk a bit, but we don't get anywhere. What is it, that makes him not love me? Why? We are so fucking happy when we are together. He acts like I've made him the happiest. He acts like he wish he'd met me a long time ago. He acts like he loves being with me. He acts like he loves loving me. He acts like he cares. But his words out or his mouth come different. I keep thinking, is it all about him thinking he'll hurt me? I don't think it could be that, it may be a factor.. but since he won't talk to me about it. I don't know. All I know is I am confused. How can someone show me so much love, and not want to be with me. I think we'd be good together. Not sure it would be so long term, but thats because of all the shit I've dealt with with men lately.

I'm so angry with the last one too. I'm so angry, if he was here I'd slap him. He betrayed me. I prommised he'd never walk out. and he did.

So how do I handle this? I'm normally being so needy. I still feel that way, but I'm trying to take a step back. He seems to not mind me being in his space, but I am not going to intrude any longer. I know he cares for me & if he wants me, which he doesn't, he knows where to find me. I can't call him. It hurts too much. I love him, and I want him to want me. I know I can't make him, but I can't keep going to him, knowing how much it will hurt later on, when he dumps me for some stupid.. little girl. I am a woman, and I would be good to him, and if he doesn't want that, I can't make him want me. I wish I could though. I'm tired of thinking of the girls he's been with, all are girls, technically. They didn't know how to be a real woman. They played games with him, and because he has a big heart, he fell for them. I know he likes me because I'm me, but I wish he could love me.. the way I want to be.

The way I want to be loved by him. Maybe wishing he had the feelings towards me that he did them is wrong, but I want it in a way, although I think they just maybe those giddy loving.. feelings. The ones that make you lust after someone. I, and this is just my opinon.... that he hasn't experience what it feels like to be loved, truely loved, by a woman.. until me. Its scary. So fucking scary. I feel almost the same. I cry at night.. thinking.... why can't things be different...

Things will be just the way they are ment to be I guess. I just have to accept that. I just feel so close to him. And everytime I think about me and him just being friends, I get angry because he said he'd do more for me if we were dating. I've never had a guy do anything for me.. for any reason really.. .much less we were dating... I've never been taken care of the way I want to be. I'm always the one that makes sure that my love is being taken care of. I give all my love to the one I'm with.

I know I do need to be alone with myself for a while, but I don't want to lose him to someone that doesn't deserve his love. Its not for me to judge, but I go thru the same kind of things with the stupid men I date.

Right now, I'm just angry, about my inability, to not try to seduce him to have sex with him. To me it was making love, but I keep thinking, that to him it was just sex, and years from now, he'll compare me to Jen, and that makes me sad. I want to be someone special, that he thinks about as a good part of his life.

I have so much more I could say... but can't right now...

(((I also post on MySpace...)))

I never

seem to post here anymore.

I wanted to post this quiz though. I would of posted it on myspace, but I don't like the girl that I got it from her page.

That and I just found out she's fucking single again, and she better not mess with my Valentine, or I will hunt her down and kick her ass. I hope if she tries, his love for her, doesn't suck him in. He deserves someone so much better. I'm not saying that because I'm in love with him. I'm saying it because he doesn't deserve to be hurt by her, and he deserves someone so much better, prettier, sexier, smarter, and more loyal. She seems like a slut to me. I hate all that she stands for.


Anyway.. The Quiz.. I found it interesting..

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||||||||||| 73% Stability |||| 16% Orderliness |||||||||||| 46% Accommodation |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Interdependence |||||||||||| 43% Intellectual |||||||||||||||| 63% Mystical || 10% Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Religious |||||| 30% Hedonism |||||| 30% Materialism |||||||||||| 50% Narcissism |||||||||||||| 56% Adventurousness |||||||||||||||| 70% Work ethic |||||||||||||||||| 76% Self absorbed |||| 16% Conflict seeking |||||||||||| 43% Need to dominate |||||||||||||| 56% Romantic |||||||||||||| 56% Avoidant |||||| 30% Anti-authority |||||||||||||||| 70% Wealth || 10% Dependency |||||||||||| 50% Change averse |||||||||||||||| 63% Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 56% Individuality |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Sexuality |||||||||||||||| 70% Peter pan complex |||||||||||||| 56% Physical security |||||||||||||||| 63% Physical Fitness || 10% Histrionic |||||||||||||||| 63% Paranoia |||||||||||| 50% Vanity |||||||||||||||| 70% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 63% Female cliche |||||||||||||| 56%

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