I don't know what my problem is today. I can't stop crying. I walked into this room earlier.. and was glad that I removed the knifes from here a few days ago. I was under so much tension, and sadness, I wanted to hurt myself. I am somewhat glad there was not a knife within reach. I hate feeling like this. My life seems so hopeless. I am seriously contimplating... leaving after next semester of school.. going back to PA.. and try to be satisfied making 5.15 an hour at the local store. Can I be happy that way.?

What do I really want in life? I want to be loved, and to fit in. I don't know that I will ever feel those things. I haven't allowed myself yet. I'm scared, today is part of my moving on. I hope I have enough money by the end of the month.. to move. I am doubting i will. I can't even find anything that I need. I hate this.

I must go now.. I have a splitting headache.