My letter to him...

I love you, Danny. This will always be true. I don't hate you, nor will I ever. I just pray that you find your faith again, and that he shows you the way. You deserve true happiness, and I feel you let things overcome that. Have faith in yourself. I will always have faith in you.

I know you don't seem to like that I said, basically that you have a drinking problem. I say things because i'm concerned and I don't want you to find out the hard way like I did. I felt like I lost my life when I got a dui, and every time, even though, my record is sealed. Every time I have to bring it up, I feel that regret in my life. As a child, it almost killed my brother. Recently it almost killed him again. I have parents that don't give a shit. Don't become that type of person. Alcohol can control you without you knowing. Ask yourself. WHy do you drink? does that hangover feel good? is it worth it? I worry about you, I worry about your brother. Think to yourself... that car you hit.. think, what if that was a person. Would it be worth, risking drinking and driving.. ??? Think of what you'd lose if you did get caught. Think of the same for your brother.

Again, I only say this because I care.

I love you Danny, and as much as I am hurting, I am more concerned about you. I've gotten past these types of things before. My heart will heal in time. I've learned much from being with you. I've grown. I'm thankful to have met you. I finally opened myself up to many things. Things I will continue to grow from.

After you graduate, take some time, to really think about your life, and what you are really looking for. Please, if you aren't sure what you want, and you meet a wonderful woman, don't tell her.. until you spend some time together. I know I get hooked too fast. And I get carried away with the fantasy, of what I want. A husband, a family, its something I've desired for a long time. Take your time. Realize when you are trying to run away. I still feel that is what you've done in our relationship. I know my illness didn't help. I know in my heart, I did drive you crazy, and upset you at times. FOr me.. though, all the goodness... in our relationship outweighed the bad. I woudn't give it up for the world. Ever.

I love you Danny, and remember you can call me anytime you want. If you are worried, or lonely, or just wanting to see how I'm doing.. you can. I would love that. But I will do ok. I always am, remember you told.. me.. yourself. I am a strong woman. I will survive,and now I have even more faith.

Just always love like you've never been hurt before. I'll always love with my all, and expect nothing less in return. One of my faults. I want it all.

You will find what you are looking for in life. And I'm sad its not me, but believe me, I understand to a degree. I've broken some hearts, and knowing I never did it to hurt the other. I just needed something different than they had, and I knew overall, I wouldn't be happy with them.

Don't beat yourself up. Over this, or other mistakes you've made.

I love you.

Julie Ann