Don't really write here anymore, but I should, then I know, only 1 person who will read it. Noone really seems to care regardless, but I know my best friend, Lisa will read this.
I had a wonderful Valentines Day, with my dear sweet friend, and spent most of my bday with my best friend Shannon. It was more than I could of imagined. Then I come home, and feel like shit.
Then I go up north and visit my family, and that was good too, I miss it.
Then I come back here, and I could kill. I want to kill him, (My aunts fiance), I want to kill myself. I want to kill anyone that pisses me off. I hate, I have anger. & now, I'm so lonely and scared and frustrated, I can't deal with this.
I'm physically sick. I've had a migraine on and off for over a week. Today I had a fever, and a stomache since about 5 o'clock.
I wish when I go over to my bed in a few minutes, I never wake up, but it would never happen to me, I think I was meant to be hurt and tortured. I just want to die, and I think only my weakness stops me now.
Well thats not totally true. I am reminded of my promise to my daughter, but that doesn't include self injury, and now I am obsessing about that as well.
HELP ME. I feel so alone. I can't call anyone, so my list doesn't do me any good... My aunt... oh just so conviently forgot to pay the cell bill.
FUCK HER, FUCK HIM.. FUCK YOU ALL..
I'm so angry right now, I just want someone I love to hold me... ie: Lisa, Shannon, Darian, Sunny, or even my Valentine........ anyone else... I pretty much want to go away. I can't stand interaction, and it angers me even more.
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As told, by her, and her borderline personality...
1 comment:
You bet your pretty arse I read your blog! And now I am leaving a comment, too! =o) I always get a huge benefit when I leave comments on your blog, though. Everytime I do the word verification, I am reminded more & more of how much I need an eye exam and an updated prescription! LOL
I am truly sorry you are feeling so shitty...........life does suck royally sometimes and it also sometimes feels like you were personally selected to be punished your whole life and nothing good will happen to you. I know because I feel that way sometimes! I wish we could somehow erase each other's pain and just be generally happy, positive people! I don't know, maybe we should leave that in God's hands!
By the way, I have 2 songs I think you might like to hear. Can I send MP3s through e-mail?? I am pretty sure I can but I just wanted to be certain! Please take care, hon, and remember, there are people in this world who love you just as you are because you are you! Me, of course, Shannon, Sunny, and probably most of all, Darian! She's a great kid and that can be one of the things you count as one of your blessings; alot of people's kids are brats........or worse! Darian rocks!! =o) Please try to stay happy and I will try to call you whenever you want me to. My husband is actually acting normal so far this weekend, so that is a HUGE turnaround from last weekend, huh? =o) I LOVE YOU!
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