This story started in the middle and will go on, even when I am not typing about it. There are so many things on my mind, I can't even begin to know where to start. I have been in a relationship now for over seven years. It is nowhere near perfect, but it is the first relationship that I have not had abandonment issues with. The first relationship I wasn't clingy or worried about when he was going to cheat. None of this makes me happy, though. He doesn't understand me. He doesn't know me.
I don't feel like he ever will.
I was never ooey gooey in love with him. Don't get me wrong. I love him with all my heart. He's the one person who has been there for me, even when I tried to leave him. Then we got along for the first time in a few years. For a while anyway. He was there after my miscarriage, my grandparents dying, my sinus surgery, thru my kid's problems, my aunt moving away, putting our kitty to sleep, burying the said kitty... my biopsy, and so many other things... too many to name.
But how do you end something that is comfortable. It's comfortable but annoying at the same time. I don't want to stay where I am at, but I don't want to move on. I want more, but he is not ready for more. He is not ready to grow up. I'm angry, because it is too late for me to have more children, which is not entirely his fault, but I'm angry because he's not ready to try. There is no perfect time.
Nothing is ever perfect. I just hate knowing it is too late, and I am having a really hard time accepting that it it too late.
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