Journaling from the hospital

August 29th, 2004

I sit here in this place that makes me feel less than human, wondering how they could do this to anyone, not just me. Its inhumane, unjust, unkind, uncaring. I'm not sure what my next step is, but I'm trying to be calm although I still have much anger. I don't know what to do, how do I get my meds. how do I find follow up aftercare, part of this is the reason I'm here in the first place. I know I messed up. Bad, I don't deserve to be yelled at, like she did, noone does. I don't want to end up in another hospital, I don't want to kill myself. I find this so upsetting. The nurses talk about you like you aren't there. Its unreal. How does one survive here? how does one cope? I don't know where to go from here. I'm not sure what the next step is.