Weekends

Well, from what the test said yesterday. I'm not pregnant. I'll know all the official results in two weeks. Also got the Hep B vaccine, which is a good thing. Stupid me also burnt my foot on the heater yesterday. OUCH.. it hurts.. but.. anyway.. as soon as I got out of the clinic.. and J. got home. . he called me. I can't figure him out. We break up, and now he wants to see me again. I heard some stuff today, from my aunt, about his sister, and his mom.. and well.. its no wonder, his family is about as fucked up as mine.. (if not worse). Just makes me wonder... cuz I can't figure him out. Cuz after the other nite .. when I confronted him.. about even wanting to be in a relationship with me.. I just felt better about the whole thing cuz it was over.

Anyway.. not sure what to think about life right now. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude. I started to update my resume, that went well. Have almost all the info I need, but need to really update my references. Trying to decide who to keep on there and who to change, as I haven't even communicated with the people on there for years. Asked my aunt to pick me up an application from Adelphia. She said she would try.. we will see. If not, I'll just have to go over there sometime. Debating, talking to Tops, about my job back. .. debating where I want to move.. what I want to do. Not sure I want to stay around here.. but not sure I want to leave all by myself either. Have to get my whole car situation figured out first. We will see.

Not much else to say for now.

I look into the sky
and what do I see.
I see my life looking
back at me.

Reality, or dreams
come true,
somehow,
they rarely do.

I'm looking down on
my life.
Trying not to think,
about the knife.

Hard to do,
but I can...
I know it..
Its easier than...

I think.