Weird Email....

I get a weird email, out of the blue. On my msn email. I never check it, so its like... "GOOD LUCK" to anyone that sends something there.

So I get this email, from a guy I talked to about 3 years ago or more, everyone once in a while. We had some good conversations, and I thought I might date him at a point. We lost contact for a while, then after I moved to Reading, I talked to him and found out he lives in this area. He pretty much refused to meet me... because he was so "busy"...

In the meantime... he acted a little wierd and obsessed... here he tells me he's my only internet friend, and he misses me, and pretty much only has eyes for me, and apparently told him mom about me... etc..

I'm dumbfounded, and a little freaked out, but thats the least of my problems.

Ahhhh...

My day:

I go to therapy, things go good..

I come home...


Very upset about some comments on MySpace that my boyfriend left on a girls page. "An internet friend", it wouldn't bother me so much, but they met in person, and have made out before.(which btw she told me and not him- I asked him who she was, and he said.. "an internet friend" I emailed her, before I asked him about her, cuz she commented on our pic, and she said, yeah we met.. etc..etc..) I thought I was ok with it. We talked it out...

I went to work, I was there an hour and talked to a lady who had anxiety disorder or something and she was yelling and screaming at me, that isn't the part that bothered me. I was trying to calm her down and it wasn't working... I said something to the effect that although, she may not think I have any idea of how she feels, that I did, and that I was going to get this problem staightened out, and that nothing was wrong with her credit card.

She finally calmed down, and was real nice. She talked really religious though, but told me things, like I was a good soul and she understood I'd been thru alot in my life, and its not something I should of been subject to. She told me she could feel my pain. I almost started bawling two to three times just on the phone with her. After 24 minutes, and the phone clicked to hang up... after her offering her phone number and asking me to call if I needed to talk to her. After apoligizing profusely about being so rude and yelling. As soon as that phone clicked, I started bawling, my heart raced, and I wanted to run.

I couldn't get over that feeling. I talked to my friend, and called my boyfriend, and I couldn't stop feeling anxious... I felt really anxious, until I was almost home.

Still now, I feel anxiety. My anxiety now, is more about my relationship. I want to trust him, and i do, but that really fucks me off. It wouldn't of been so bad, but we talked a few weeks ago, and he told a friend of his, one that doesn't like me, that her new hair cut looked "sexy"... I told him it bothered me. He said he was sorry, and I let it go.... But when I see this, from someone he was involved with, not too long ago, and saying things in reference to kissing, and liking her cleavage and sex. It really fucked me off.

I really thought I had dealt with it this morning... but I don't think I really did. I snooped again, in his email, which I know pisses him off. But I found emails back and forth to him and her.. and the last one, references the comments he left her.... and she said... something like.... Oh, that last comment you left will give you trouble... and he said back.. " I doubt it"

He's appoligized. I believe he is sorry, but I don't know why he would flirt with a girl like that, if he really wasn't interested in her anymore. I don't have a problem with him being friends with anyone, but there are things I do and don't find acceptable.. and that is one of the things I don't.

I told him, yes I do tell my ex's and my friends I love them, because I do... and sometimes I talk about the good old days, good sex, or other things that happened...

But I don't make sexual comments on a public photo on myspace or anywhere. I wouldn't want anyone to think i'm not loyal to my boyfriend. Because i'm a loyal girl, he is my number 1!! He's the guy I think about, and care about, and put as my priority.

I guess one more reason it bothers me, is cuz when we are talking or whatever, at nite, he's distracted alot. I know he has friends, and I want him to email them, etc... but I'd rather him say... to me, that he wants some time to do things for himself. I'd rather him let me go, and go do some things for himself, rather than try to give me attention, and being distracted.

When he gets distracted and I have to repeat myself, it makes me feel like shit. I feel like I'm not worth the time, to take the time, to just give me attention.

I love him, and I know he loves me, I just didn't even want to talk to him about any of this because he's going thru alot right now, and he doesn't need me bringing it up right now. I don't want him to think I'm going to walk out, like everyone else has, because I won't. I love him, and this is something stupid.

Its just, that it does make me wonder about trust. It makes me suspicious. I have faith we will get thru this though.