How do you??

How do you talk to an angel?
Nah... it really has nothing to do with that, but I have that song stuck in my head.
How do you know what reality is, when you suffer from depression? Cuz I'm stuck and lost right now.

I've met a totally great guy, only, I want to run away. Sometimes because I'm scared, sometimes because I'm mad, sometimes, because I want more.

Usually for me, I fall head over heels... with him, I did not. I really liked him, I loved talking to him, I loved his holding me, his kisses, the time he gave me... I wasn't in love with him. Shortly before we made love, I started having those, I wanna run away to Vegas feelings.... We made love, and now... its like we are an old married couple. But we fight, all the time, about stupid stuff.

I feel like its all my fault. I'm needy, I'm insecure, I'm upset, I'm this, I'm that.
When I'm with him, I want to be the center of attention, not the porn, or the computer, or the baseball game, or his friends, or the funny show on tv, I WANT TO BE. I really honestly don't see why this is wrong. If I was with him everyday, yeah that would be a major problem, but I'm not, and when I'm there, I'm stuck. I'm not at home, and I'm stuck, in this place, and the man I'm in love with, seems to care less, he continues his life, just like I am not there.

I keep thinking, we should just let go now, but then I wonder if thats the depression talking. I want romance. I know I'll never get it with him. I'm not even bringing up that conversation. We've never really went on a date. We never do anything special. He barely even comments on my page, or emails me.... (which I find romantic). I feel like I'd have better luck if I was a porn star or a baseball, at least he'd look at me.

I feel he has no desire for me... and my opinion on that, doesn't have to do with me being insecure...

Just like I always say... I got him, but... I want more.
Makes me feel stupid, because I keep wondering, how long before I lose the best thing I have.... ever had.