Hurting

I'm hurting so bad. I feel like I want to die. I am so alone. Physically and mentally...

I got an email from him today, and all I done since, is think about crying, or cry... after everyone left. I'm here alone. I'm scared. I'm full of regret.

I loved him. I love him. I just couldn't deal with my feelings, and he would never talk to me about it. I felt so alone then... well for the last month... I felt like he was hiding things from me. I felt like didn't love me anymore. He promised me he'd be there for me when I got off the medicine. I asked him for help, and he blew me off. I told him how depressed I get around my birthday and he wasnt' there for me then either. I can't make him be there for me. I can't make him do anything. And all I wanted was for him to love me. I wanted to feel loved. I wanted to feel like I was important.

I just want to curl up and die. I can't handle this feeling. I can't handle the pain. And I know he'll never understand. I hate how I feel like he blames me for everything going wrong. I know its not completely my fault. We were both at fault.

Part of me wants to slit my wrist and bleed to death...
Part of me wants to just cherish the good times.. and move on..
Part of me wants him back....
I just want him to understand..... I want to feel understood.
I don't want to feel like I do now, like I never meant anything to him....

I've had so many guys hit on me since yesterday... its rediculous... before I told any of them I was single. I don't want any of them. I want the feeling I had when he was here with me. I want to see his blue eyes, and his smile... I want to hear him say.. "you'd better!"