I don't think it is. I had therapy today, and I feel worse. I hate myself, and the stupid choices I make, or choose not to make. I hate my neediness, and I felt really suicidal and sat there comtemplating what choices I had left in my life. I'm away from the suicidal notions right now, but still stressed out.
CG, thinks.. I'm dissing him for the new guy... I don't know that I gave him a name or talked about him yet, but lets call him... MB - he called me last nite, wanting to see me, even though I've told him.. I won't have sex with him, but I stayed the night with him Saturday nite, him being almost a complete stranger. I take risks... too many...sometimes, but I realize, its only when I devalue my life. I hate it, and wish most times I was dead, so I figure if someone were to kill me, it would help the world. There would be one less fuckup.. responsible for the death and destruction of earth. Plus I'd be able to give my daughter, money .. she wouldn't have otherwise. I'm worth more dead than alive.
This new guy.. is damn hot.. but I'll shut up, I don't have time to talk about him right now.
I feel like shit, my throat is sore, I think I'm getting a cold or a sinus infection... and scared/excited about getting my tonsils out.. trying to make sure I can live losing 3-4 days pay... but the thing is.. depending on how I'm feeling I can be off 7 more weeks, and still get paid 100% of my salary.. (no bonuses though ... :( )
Well I got to get back to work...
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