My Day with CG

Spent Tuesday with him. It was mostly untolerable. I almost just left 3 times without saying anything. I tried to resist the urge... but it was hard. I knew if I left I'd just end up leaving, crying, and probably hurting myself. I couldn't do that to myself.

First, he tells me to come sometime after nine, because he won't be up before that. I'm like.. ok fine, even though I don't want to deal with traffic. I think I get there after 11 or so, and I try to open the door, its locked, so I try to call his cell, no answer, so I knock,(before I got there I had to pee... SOOO bad).. So I call again, and again.. knock, walk around back, and try to see if you can go in the back way.. (his room is in the back of the house) I call again.. go back to the front porch... and try to ring these things that look like doorbells, and I give up.. pissed as hell. I run down to Burger King, before I piss myself... get in there, and the bathroom is the nastiest shit in the world, the one has piss and stuff all over it.. and the other, it looks like someones shoe with mud.. I wipe the toilet seat off.. with tp, and then put some more tp on the seat.. and relieve myself. I was hungry, but after that... I was just disgusted, and refused to eat there.. blah.

Then I call him again, and he's like... oh... and doesn't apoligize when I say anything to him... and was like.."did you ring the doorbell?" I'm like.. "yeah" and he realizes its not workin right. I was soo pissed. Then he pretty much ignores me... which pisses me off more. I hate that shit.

Then.. throughout the day, he just does little annoying stuff... and doesn't seem to appreciate the fact that I came there to help him, and that I did want some lovin's... which he hardly gave me. I was so frustrated and annoyed.

Then, he gets me, him, and his family, water ice, which was good... but.. then comes out to eat his with me.. and his brother ( i think) calls him in... and he's like watch this for me.. I do.. but 15 minutes later, sitting in the sun, burning up, I start to get annoyed. I call him on his cell, and he says..just a minute.. I'll be out... ten minutes later.. he still doesn't come out.. Its almost time for my meds, so I take off to the store, and call him back... to let him know.. and he doesn't answer. Grr.. And I call him back when I get back, and I sit in my car in the a/c. He comes out, at one point, and doesn't even bother to call back or say anything to me... So I get out, and go over by the house.. and he's by the house.. again. (after he dissappeared).. and was on the phone.. then made excuses about.. I'm on the phone.. etc.. I'm like, that is fucking rude, to leave me outside for over twenty-five minutes. (He could of at least invited me in) ASSHOLE. He apoligizes... but yet...

Does it again.. leaves me down in the basement, while he is upstairs... with nowhere to sit, and nothing to do, and he wonders why I snoop?? what the fuck. He apoligizes again, but continues to act like an asshole.

At one point I backhand him in the chest, and hurt him.. because he said to the dog, " its ok Kiera, she drives different than I do..." I took it as an insult, so we had this big discussion about how my driving was fine, it was just different than his...

I told him several times thru the day, he was being a jerk, and an asshole.. and at several points he apoligized... and said he was sorry, and even told me he appreciated me helping him out, when I told him.. that I came here to help him, and he was being disrespectful, and rude. I didn't ask him for anything. I came down there, because he invited me.. made plans with me.. (not to help him move his pets, but to make love) and when he said he needed help, i told him that was fine... I'd help... I also had to buy my own dinner... he provided me with water ice, and then water... (but he also told me at one point to go to the store, it was on sale- that was fucking rude)... I even helped him fold his clothes.

I told him... again he was a jerk, and he said he was always like that.. I said. that he never acted like that around me.. and he stated.. "how often do you usually spend the whole day with me..." which is true, since the beginning of us dating, we've only spend a few, maybe 5 or 6 actual days together. The day we met, the day after we met, I remember one day I came down to Philly, and offhand.. I can't think of any specific instances...

We ended up talking, and it turned out good. I'm still hurt, but I know in the end, even if he chose me, I'd end up hurting him. I'd leave him, I can't tolerate his shit. I can't tolerate how he is with the kids, or his lack of cleanlyness habits. I really hope him and Cristina can be happy, although he says its not about him being happy... which I find to be BS.

I told him how much it hurts me the things he says.. (when we are making love and otherwise.. ) Things like, " I am all yours", " you are exactly the type of woman I want to marry", "This feels so good, so right," " I love being with you, you make me so happy", "being with you feels so good", "I wish things could be different," " I wish I'd met you first"....

I'm almost crying as I write this, and if I was at home, and not at work I wouldn't be holding back. I love him, with all my heart.. but I believe relationships are built on communication and trust, neither of which we have enough of.....

I do feel better after our talk, but then we made love, which was fucking incredible... but he said.. that that had to be the last time...