Still...

Upset... and hurting, things are going better, although I feel like blowing my head off lately... seems to be something that is going around.

I'm really scared lately... I'm glad my sis is around, cuz I'm not dealing well with everything.

CG, my sis met him, thinks he's nice, cute.. etc... and then I think about how much I love & want him, and I cry. He's struggling, and I can't do anything.... I just want to help, I want to hold him and kiss him....

T, I still love him and always will, and as much as I'm glad he's found someone it still hurts... and I get these strange feelings from him lately (what little contact I have had)... and I wish I could help him.

And this new guy, DW, I'll call him, met him, he's nice, seems sweet, took me to movies and to eat.. we cuddled, kissed... and he aroused me, but at the same time knows I'm not looking for sex, and is ok with that.

I realized that I'm very shallow, and I'm not sure how to deal with it, or move on. I've went on some other dates as well, which apparently they didn't really like me.... like that.. or something..

The new friend I talked about in the most recent post... well I have a big crush on him, but he alas is married, and I'm already feeling too many feelings for him. I can't stand how I fall for men.. especially men that can't be there, I fall for men that are absent from my life...

I know... 12 years of therapy would only tell me, that... it stems from my childhood, what a shame, that so much time was wasted.