Blah Men

I have too many men I write about, I can't even keep the initials I use for each straight. So if you get confused, don't worry.. so do I.

I spoke with CG today. I ended up flipping out on him. He finally admited to me... he slept with that girl Angela. He fucked her, says he used a condom, but whatever. He says.. all kinds of other stupid shit. I hate that his life is so sucky, but he apparently didn't really love me. Probably a few days after he fucked me, when I went over there when I was sick, he fucked her. What a dick. Says he's not ready for a relationship, and she knows that. But she posts on his myspace... and says.. " I love you forever, " and "I love you,boo, I hope we are together forever." he says he met her after he stopped talking to me, so.. whose the liar and whose the pyscho. He's the liar.. she's the pyscho... check this out..

The older I get, the more I try to keep valid documention. I can tell you almost every time I had sex with him, or anyone else in the last 2 years or so.

I can't tell you exactly when I started talking with him, because that is at my computer at home, but I will add it when I can find the date.

Saturday,
May 7, 2005 - we met, had been chatting for a few weeks (3 approximately I think)He had already told me he loved me, and I was starting to fall for him. I stayed with him at the hotel, and we made love. Thankfully things in regards to sex got better from there.

Thursday,
May 13, 2005 - I went down to Philly, picked up CG & and he came up and stayed the nite with me.

moving forward...

Monday,
May 30, 2005 - CG broke up with me. I suggested it, because I was confused about what he wanted, and he seemed to be secretive. He agreed, because he was planning to see his ex gf on that Wednesday, and I guess since he wouldn't officially be cheating.. he'd feel better about it. All because he told her, that they could "work on things" with their relationship. All because he couldn't be truthful with me.

Wednesday,
June 1, 2005 - He sees her, she's his gf, and they are "working on things"

Tuesday,
June 7, 2005 - I get my car tires, CG has been wanting me to come down since the weekend. I finally am able to since I got my new tires & I head down after work. He talks with me, and we make it official, and he says he's confused, and etc.. etc.. then I find out, about Cristina.. which I really didn't know about till just then. then we break up the next day.

This continues on, we see each other once or twice a week, for the next few weeks. Always have sex on each occurance. In the meantime I start dating others, since technically I am single. Only all I think about is CG.

Sunday,
June 19, 2005 - CG tells me he does want me, and he does know what he wants, and it is me, and that he just can't have me.

Tuesday,
June 21, 2005 - This nite after work I see CG... one of few times, we didn't have sex. I can't even recall what was the reason.

Saturday,
June 25th, 2005 - Got in a fight with CG, didn't talk to him for two days. This is really the first time, we didn't touch base for a while. I broke down on that next Monday (27th) and called him.

Tuesday,
June 28th, 2005 - Got upset with CG on the phone and hung up on him.

Friday,
July 1st, 2005 - Was in his arms again.

Saturday,
July 2nd, 2005 - He was supposed to go see her early in the morning with her mother, it was canceled. I headed home to take my daughter up to visit my family. I wanted to get back soon, so see him.

Sunday,
July 3rd, 2005 - I was sick as hell, because I went out drinking with my mom last nite and got bombed. All I thought about was my time off work, and wanting to be in his arms. I head home, sick as hell, couldn't eat or drink anything, and tired as hell. About an hour into the trip I pull over and go to sleep. I had called CG last nite and professed my love to him and asked him to marry me. I called him half way home, and he didn't really want to talk to me, and was upset. Told me that I shouldn't come down, it wasn't a good idea. I told him, I couldn't be alone, and pretty much didn't tel him I was coming down anyway. I showed up, we talked, made love, he was mad at me, but I agreed with him, because that is what he wanted, that we wouldn't talk on the phone or see each other again, but only email if we needed to.

Monday,
July 4th, 2005 - He got a call last nite, and he's going to see her. He let me sleep in cuz I was feeling so sick. I was nosy and snooped around, and then left.

Wednesday,
July 6th, 2005 - So much for the agreement, I am in his arms again.

Fast forward.... a few months.... (fill you in with this later)

Sunday,
August 28th, 2005 - I write in my notebook, how I'm confused about his actions. Friday, I had a big fight with him, and was abusive. I am not that type of person. I met someone the next day, and stayed the nite with him. I didn't sleep with him, but I did tell CG about it. He's acting needy, and I can't figure out why. He's practically begging me to come down, and I refuse because of my appointments and training, and that Darian is coming home. I tell him I'll come later in the week.

Wednesday,
August 31st, 2005 - I feel sick, tonsils are swallow, and sick. I throw up when my car is at the garage. I call CG. I was supposed to see him. I tell him I am supposed to go to work, but I can't. I want to be at his house resting. He has to work. He allows me to come down, but tells me his ex-wife is there, and he wants to make sure there are no conflicts. I tell him all i want to do is sleep till he gets there. I rest, talk to him a few times, from his job. I throw up some more, eat a bit of soup, and throw up some more. Then I recover a bit and ask him if he wants picked up from work. He asked if I a fever and I said i wasn't sure, he told me to rest. I then got all hyper and picked up his bedroom a bit, then I snooped some more. I read a letter from Cristina, where she talked about their trip to Puerto Rico.. and some other things.. on how she couldn't wait to be out in May. He came home, took care of me, held me, and comforted me. I was feeling a bit better, we made love.. and cuddled and went to sleep. At some point we were talking and he asked me details of what happened with the guy I met over the weekend. He asked me if I wanted to have sex with him. I hesitated but said yes. He told me not to be embarassed and it was ok. He finished to be loving and didn't seem to mind.

He tells me he is going out of town for the holiday weekend, and leaving on Sunday to see an old college friend. Not sure when we talk next, but it was either Wednesday or Thursday nite. After that, he disappears. Doesn't answer my calls, or my emails, at some point a woman answers his phone. I think it was Sunday or Monday nite ( the 4th or 5th) he leaves me an offline message saying "I'm sorry I'm no longer available, I found a wonderful woman and I'm persueing a serious long-term relationship with her."

On myspace.com his profile is updated to show "in a relationship"

I call him on
Thursday,
September 15th, 2005 - I tell him I'm pregnant, he can't believe it but barely asks me a question. He is nice, but tells me I'd of never let go. I know as well I wouldn't have. So I asked, do you have a gf, or did you just tell me that. He told me that he told me that so I would let go. HE LIED.

I check hotornot- and see some comments on his page. Sept 7th- " I LOVE YOU FOREVER" & Sept 13th (i think)" I LOVE YOU, BOO! I HOPE WE STAY TOGETHER FOREVER"

WTF!!!

I get pissed, for him at lying to me again. And I write her a nice email. So nice he calls me Saturday evening screaming at me.

Today,
Wednesday,
September 21st, 2005

I talk to CG, nicely at first, then I get angry. He admits he has sex with her. (think I said this in an earlier post) he denies the small period of time between me and her, and he knows she is in love with him, but says the same thing he does to me.. " i make no promises.. blah blah blah"

What a dick. I've wasted too much time typing this.. and i'm supposed to be working.