Apparently money= worth
self worth apparently... because whenever I don't have enough money, I feel worthless. I feel like shit. I wish I could die to escape the pain.
Here's the situation, I have about 300 dollars, I can
A. Give it to my aunt
B. Get my car insured and get it back on the road
C. Buy a gun
None are what I want to spend the money on. None are something that are going to matter, for the most part (unless I do something with the gun) in ten years.
We are in a hole, and apparently its my job to shovel the shit, and everything is my fault.
Thing is, in reality it is. I want an escape. The hole is too deep to get out of. I just want to leave. I have no more choices.
If I don't have a car in two weeks, I'll loose my job. If I don't have a job we are screwed regardless.
So fuck it. FUCK YOU WORLD. YOU cold heartless world. I hate you, and I hate me, and I hate being here...
Sad part is... I haven't felt suicidal for probably at least a week or so... and now, all because I get paid. I hate payday.... I hate money. I hate life. I hate my life... the life I don't really live.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
As told, by her, and her borderline personality...
1 comment:
Hi hon! I just wanted to let you know that I am sorry you are feeling shitty and I hope things get better soon, even though you feel now as if they never will. I just wanted to tell you I know exactly how you feel about payday. I hate dealing with bills and payday and stuff so sometimes I don't get online at all on Fridays to check the amount of Ben's paycheck. And I don't necessarily think it is just about the amount you get on payday. Ben made $1,000 this past Friday, by Saturday it was all gone for bills and then we still had to get groceries and other stuff. And the thing that kills me is, I am not stupid. Yet my hubby makes between $700 and $1,000 every week after taxes and we live in a veritable dump, we both have older cars, although they run well, are registered, insured, etc. We hardly ever go on vacation..........it just makes me feel like shit, like an idiot, because obviously I have a problem correctly budgeting money or something. Makes me feel like my hick-ass, uneducated in-laws, who can't manage money worth a shit, either. (Although I do do a better job than they do!)
Okay, I am going to stop rambling now! =o) But I just wanted to let you know I identified with basically every single feeling you expressed in this post! Hang in there, sweetie! Maybe if we both hope for better times for us, then we'll get it and the world won't keep screwing us! I love you! BTW, thanks for the pics of you on Motorcycle class day! You looked really great! TTYS!
Post a Comment