Men.. Women.. and other Crossdressing Havoc

Surely.. or not really.

Who knows. All I know, is that I'm an emotional mess. I don't know what I'm doing, or if what I have done is right, or if what I want to do is right. I still think of C. almost every day. I miss our daily chats, (not the fights), and that is something M. just doesn't fulfill. He's not there for me on a daily basis. Rarely on a weekly basis. I am beginning to like the relationship between me and M, better when it was friends, he emailed me daily, and made time for me often. I don't feel like he has the time for me now. Then again, when I think of it, I feel like I always ask too much of the other person when I'm in a relationship, and that bothers me. Why do I always feel like that, why do my needs not matter, why am I so needy. I don't get it. I wish I did. I just don't know where I'm going, and although, I'm enjoying myself, I'm not sure I'm making the best choices in my life. Who knows, only time will tell. I know I do need something more though... I'm in the search for it though.

Realized, I'm out of my one med, not anything I can really do, kind of glad, its the depression med. Still on the moods stabilizer. Good thing. I haven't had as many of my rages lately. Looking forward to going to the gym tommorrow. Finally getting some bills paid, and getting a few things done. I have to quit procrastinating.

One other thing I've been exploring is my sexuality. I have a tendency to believe that I may be a little more than bi-curious. Not sure if this is a surprise to anyone. I'm not sure really what to make of it. I want to experiment, and now I am free to do so, I'm just not sure how this will effect my life. I can't ever see myself in a serious lesbian relationship, mostly because that is not the way you should raise children, but I always wonder how other people view this situation.