Every Day....

Is a winding road....

Feeling better today. Whatever better is....

lol

It was a good day, I mean, how can it not be... I can drop a few hundred dollars... and not feel too guilty about it. Sure.. I guess I could of done something else with it, but I needed new shoes, and well the other things I got, I wanted. Ok, I do feel a little guilty, but oh well.

Talking with my baby today made me laugh.. even if I was and am still annoyed/mad about a few things. I know alot of it is beyond his control, and I'm trying to be understanding. I don't think he thinks I am though. I hate how I feel when I think he feels like he's done something to hurt me. He really is a good boyfriend. Its just, this isn't what I was expecting. Me and my high expectations, and always wanting more.

I realized today I was hurt about something he said. I've been obsessing over it, but whats new. I'm always obsessing over something. I told him I didn't have a life.. or something to that regards, and well, he said something to the effect... .... I guess next time I'll have to remember to find a girlfriend with a life. It hurt. I know when he reads this, he'll probably say something, and tell me he was joking. But, sometimes, even if he is joking its hard for me. I don't like thinking about that. Mostly because... A. he agreed.. with me that I didn't have a life.. and B. saying that implied that there would be a next girlfriend. So I guess thats why it hurt.

I had some thoughts on the future today. They weren't good nor bad. Just thoughts on what to do and where to go. I guess to start having that "life" and quit waiting for something different to happen. I'm still so frustrated.. about having to find a car. I really don't need a car right at this moment, but if I don't get one now, then down the road.. it will cause problems for me because I have no idea how long I will be living here with my aunt. So regardless of where I go, or where I live, I need my own car.

Its just so frustrating to love someone so much, and know that he loves you as well, and says he wants a future with you, but yet you are so far apart... and feel so alone, and don't really have a life together. Yet, you want that so much, because you feel it will make you both happy.