Tears

I'm so sad. Then stupid me, I read some of the last posts. Then I can't stop the tears. I'm so lonely today. I'm lonely most days. I don't feel hopeless, but I feel less hope today.

I only get irritable with my aunt. I am tired of picking up after my daughter, she likes to spend time in my room, and then she gets everything every where. It pisses me off.

I want to just get out of this house, but have nowhere to go. Right now, I can't even just go for a ride, because my aunt is actually using her car.

I just broke my sisters picture frame that was on my desk, so now I have to go find the fucking vaccuum and get the glass vacuumed up so it doesn't get in anyones foot. Not that I have anything to worry about, I always wear my shoes. Isn't that sad.

Its sad, when one thing you wish to have, is a house, where you have to take your shoes off at the door. I've never been in a house, where I feel comfortable to do that. I want a house, where I can do that.

I want a place where I can feel like its my home. I've never had that. The closest I came, was taken away from me, when my uncle retired from the Navy and came home, and took over my grandmothers house. Now, its nothing like where I grew up. Its not the same. And now, I'm sad about it? what? why the fuck am I crying? Its just a house right? Why am I so sad about it?

Sometimes I hate being me.