Why

Why do I do that. I can always seem to give good advice, but don't generally follow it???

I gave an answer on yahoo answers that really made me think.

It was in regards to marriages, and why they end. I truly believe I know why they end. I've seen it, I've heard it. I've read studies.

I've had a live in bf, well a few.... and I know how things get. If I had married him, would I of stayed? I say no, because it came to the point, for me, that instead of me.. being the one being abused... I became abusive. Verbally... I yelled and screamed. I'm sure I had no regards for his feelings. And then I became physically abusive. I hit him. Twice. Yes, I was feeling threatened at the time, and yes I was angry, but I still don't believe that it should of happened. He never laid a hand on me.

I say I would never divorce, but there are certain circumstances, in which I mite feel warranted. Abuse is the first. Whether is it physical, emotional, mental.. etc... No one should feel they have to stay in an abusive marriage. Although I don't find being abused a reason to cheat either.

There is no reason to cheat. I feel if one person in the marriage cheated, and the trust couldn't be reestablished, it could be warranted to get a divorce. I myself would find a way to communicate to my husband, once I found my eyes even straying towards another man. I've found myself tempted many times, and each time that I found another man being more appealing than the person I was with, i felt it was time to reevaluate the relationship. I didn't cheat to make myself feel happy. Some people could consider it cheating, although, when I feel the need to have an type of intimacy with another man I find a problem with that. I've gone as far as kissing another man, which is something I don't even feel allowable, but it gave me a wake up call. If that makes sense.

I'm big into monogamy. I'm too jealous to have it any other way. I can't fathom how people have open relationships.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this tonite. Partly because its something that's on my mind. Partly because of the question I answered. I question my current relationship, and I know I questioned past relationships... saying .. "what if this doesn't work out".... I don't like feeling that, but I like to prepare for the worst.

All I've ever wanted is a family. To me that includes a husband and a child. I have my child, and have searched for a husband. In all the wrong places, but I have looked. Sometimes I don't look, and just trip over someone, and realize shortly after I've decided to put my all into it. I find a problem that I just can't tolerate... and well... I'm too, I don't know, ashamed, embarrassed, or just lonely to tell the other person I'm in the relationship with. Or maybe I think they can change.. or they will want to change.... because they tell me they will change. Its not true though... and hasn't ever happened.... Well.. Until now.

So far, and I know I haven't spent much time with Danny thus far, so far, I haven't found anything wrong with him. I don't like that he works too much, and doesn't have time for me, but the thing with that is, I need time to work on myself. I need to be alone, and I need to learn to be ok with being alone. I need to stop feeling like I have to have someone to help me when I'm in a crisis, and I have to try to get thru it. I have to cope with it. The time we have together is usually awesome, to say the least. Even when I start off in a bad mood, things usually end up good. When I can actually get myself to communicate to him, he's usually very willing to listen and try to help me. He makes me laugh. He gets me thinking. He opens up my mind. He shows me love and affection. He really tries to be patient with me...

All this is scary. I think back to my ex's and how I found reasons to run away shortly after I met them, yet I would stay because I thought it could get better.

Only it didn't.