My sadness has come back. I can sometimes keep that positive attitude, but then days like this hit. I feel sad and tears in the edges of my eyes.. for most the day now. What is wrong with me? Does the medicine really help? I never know what to think. I don't know what to think on days like this.
Now my gram is making me feel more sad, or I should say, I'm letting her make me feel sad. She is saying she isn't coming to D.'s birthday party. What a fucking crock of shit. Why do people have to be like that, for no reason. My gram is depressed herself.
I am missing my C. He wasnt online today, that I know of. I stayed online till 15 after 3 and he didn't come online. I left him a message, saying please leave me a message if you are online or email me, and I haven't heard anything from him. It makes me sad and worried, especially after him being so upset yesterday about his sister. And I still don't know what all is going on with that. I hope all is alright. I wish he was here now though. His smile, his eyes, his loving words, could help cheer me up. I hate depression. I hate sadness. I know I need to expect it.
It's not like it is even PMS either. I understand the sadness when that comes. But of of the blue I have the blues today. I was extremely anxious at the doctors today. But luckily he was very friendly and seemed down to earth. He is not the regular doctor at the center though, which kind of sucks.
I had dreams my wheel of my car fell off last nite. I can't imagine anything like that happening. I need to get the oil changed and get my car looked at though. I hope to get that done soon.
Well, I am feeling too sad to write any more today, so I will end my post here.
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