So, what to think, what to do I have no idea. I feel my best friend, JB, should know these things going on, but is it my place to tell her. I don't want to be the bad guy. I., her husband, was trying to hit on me again. And right in front of his nephew. I was like WTF, what a creep. He actually was good to JB most of the day. He helped some with the kids, something I have never seen him do. But then, when we all were back at the house, with the family, he says in a mean tone... "JB, Put those kids to be, before my brother gets here., Go in the room and put them to bed." Her children are 2 and 6 months, and he hardly helps, I don't know how she deals with it.

Everyone says marriage is different, but I know that mine will. I know my husband will take more of a part in our childrens life, and of D.'s. I find that he would be like this, because he loves them, and me. If a father is limitedly involved like I. is with his kids, what the fuck kind of father is that. I raised D., on my own, and she knows I loved her. If her father was part of her life, and acted like I. does.. I would tell him to leave, because it would help her if he was gone more than it hurt her. I find in some ways I will have a lot of adjusting to do, because I am not used to anyone helping. I do know that C. and I will have a lot of open communication, and that when things don't work the way they should, that we will talk about it.

Right now I am missing C. so much. I am wishing I was in his arms. Between the events of today, and being exhausted(partly because of meds) and partly emotionally exhausted because of the events the last few days, I am being pretty lonely, and wishing that C. was here right now. I would love to be looking in to his sexy brown eyes, and feeling his arms around me as we kiss. :)

Emotionally I am pretty drained, I shared with C., many things I thought he should know, that were hard for me to tell. I can say he did take them well, but the conversation hurt our feelings a bit. I just so wanted him to know these things, so he could take a step back and to make sure this is what he really wanted, was me .. and D.

I think he loves D. as much as he loves me, if not more. The way he acts towards her is so precious. She acts about the same though. She thinks C. is great, and she can't wait till he comes to America. :)

Only a few more days on the Effexor. Partial called and hopefully I will start the hospital next week, that will be great. I could really use the support. Only thing that sucks though, is missing my talks with C. We will survive though. :)

As the deer walks thru the forest,
I hear the wind brush over the leaves,
Water dripping over rocks,
A cool, fresh breeze.

Life is so precious,
Always meant to be,
I'll tell you my dreams,
and show you,
One day you will see.

I will show you rainbows,
sorrow and joy,
I will show you love,
without being coy.

I will kiss your precious lips,
I will show you love,
Almost like a rainbow,
and a flying dove.

Love is something special
always meant to be,
Love is something great,
Just like you and me.