Easter

Nothing much going on today. Just thoughts in my head. Finally got to talk to N. today. J Happy about that. Missed him lots. More than I should probably. But I made some new friends in the meantime, and the one MM. , is very sweet. He’s 23, and living in Maryland. Originally from Guyana. Very sweet, and also a gentleman. Why do I keep meeting guys I don’t have a chance with? I guess I’m just destine to have lots of nice, cute, guys friends, all around the world.

Feeling ok today, got a little down, because I was sharing with MM, some very personal things about myself. Got me a little down, but he cheered me up, and then I took a long relaxing bath, and enjoyed my day. I wish I would of spent more time with Darian. But I did spend some time with here, and she enjoyed her new Barbie Jeep.

I got it for her for Easter, despite the fact, my grandma is the one that told her she was getting it. 250 dollars well spent I would say. Well, when I was putting the stupid thing together.. I was missing a part. I called back to Wal-mart to see if maybe it was left in the box.. AND IT WAS thankfully… so I headed over to Bradford to get it. Well, of course I had a few minutes to spare, so I wanted to see J. (I’m such a fucking dumbass) Well, I saw him.. And spent time with him, and was intimate, but I didn’t give in to him wanting sex. And I didn’t give him any sexual favors. I found out he’s back with Liz, his ex. What a fucker…. Well.. Anyway.. In the meantime, I’m late so I head home.. And well.. What happens.. But that I speed, because I’m in a hurry, cuz I’m late. And I get pulled over for speeding. Luckily, that is all they gave me a ticket for, as I don’t have insurance on my vehicle. So, there goes another 100 dollars, not sure if I’ll even have enough to fix my car. I’m hoping like hell. Cuz otherwise I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do.

Hoping this week, I have a good support group, this is my emotional week, and not having my meds, (or being allowed to have them rather) because of the allergy testing this week is killing me. I have met some new friends.. So I hope things will go well. I don’t want any suicidal thoughts this week.