Today

Not even sure what to say today. I read posts from others in my support groups for depression, and BPD, and I think, my life could of been must worse. I didn't go thru alot of things like they did. I cry as I read the posts, both for their life and for mine. The feelings are so intense. Scary. Then I sit here and wonder why I feel so bad, so depressed.. I mean.. was my life really that bad? Do I have a right to be depressed and upset and angry? I really don't know... but I do.

Met a really nice guy the other day,online. He seems nice so far anyway. Respectful, very. He seems to be very open, and we've had some nice discussions. Really hope we get to chat tonite.

I got a job. I officially work at Wal-mart. I am a little excited, but nervous at the same time. I've never worked in the deli, and am not sure how much I'll like it. I'm kind of tired of sitting around waiting for what is going on with my supposed move. I need to get a life. I need to move on.

I wish my past didn't haunt me so much. Its scary. I met with my caseworker today. She works with a program that helps with transportation for dr's appts.. and housing.. and bills and stuff. We have alot in the works, and I hope this helps alot of my stressors out. I'm so far in debt, I don't know what to do.

Hopefully things will work out well. I've been lucky so far this week, but I need to get my car fixed, or get a new one. Wish me luck. I need all I can get.

So far away,
wondering where,
What are you doing?
Are you there?

I look around,
take a glance,
Wondering if,
I have a chance.

Smiling face,
wind in my hair,
I'm still wondering,
Are you there?

If you are,
I say come here,
Please,
and have no fear.