Duh.. I do.. I really do. I'm so emotional tonite. Hardly enjoyed D's company. Enjoyed some music in chat and on webcam though, that he invited me to. It was nice, long haired guys, singing.. it rocked. But..then.. I message my favourite person, N, and I saw him on late last nite, and a little tonite, but had too much anxiety to message him. Which is stupid. But i have feeling like I am bothering him all the time. He said I could bother him anytime. :( What is wrong with me? Why do I have this stupid crush. It just makes me feel stupid, for wanting something I can't have. Why do I always want guys, that aren't available?
Then, DN, an old friend, who really likes me, or so he says, came on tonite. He usually show up one nite a week, mostly Thursdays... and tells me how much he misses me.. asks me to view my cam..and then wants me to show off, and I tell him I can't. Or I don't want to. Last time we talked, I was very upset.. to begin with, and told him . i didnt want him to ask me.. and he did. Tonite, well, i was talking with D about him. And asked him how do I annoy him.. to get rid of him.. well I told him he couldnt view my cam.. cuz i had it on yahoo. He said. he'd leave.. cuz I was busy, part of me didn't want him to leave, but all i could do .. is feel pain, and I was very upset..
I hate feelings sometimes.. alot of the time, mine are overly.. something.. and .. I get too emotional about everything. Like N. he probably (although he knows alot about me) thinks I'm a fucking nutcase... if i were him, I think I'd put me on ignore.. or something.
Why am I even saying this? I don't know.. I feel like I'm going crazy.... HELP ME!!
Friday, April 30, 2004
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