Crying, Dying, and Generally Sad

Thats me.
What should I do? What shouldn't I do.
I feel like such a loser. My actions in the last few years have been really fucked up. I realize how lazy, stupid, and selfish I've been. I don't know how to change... I don't know what to change... I don't know who I am, or where i'm going, or why I want to go anywhere.

I just want to chalk everything up for a loss. I don't know how to fix anything. The phone bill, my job, this car, the insurance thing, my credit, this house, moving, my child, my internet addiction.

I just want to be happy. I want people to love me. I want people to think good things when they think of me. I'm tired of being the girl, that scares everyone away. I'm tired of being the cute girl, that nooone wants to commit to. I'm tired of being afraid of commitment myself. I'm tired of trying to fit in. I'm tired of not belonging. I'm tired of not having faith. I'm getting tired of being told to have faith. I'm tired of being told "it will get better", when all that happens is things become more complicated. I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of being told that my sickness is psycho-symatic. I'm tired of my therapist, I'm tired of not having anyone to talk to. I'm tired of this place. I'm tired of moving. I'm tired of raising my little girl by myself. I'm tired of her being tired of it. I'm tired of being so frustrated. I'm tired of breathing. I'm tired of life.

I'd like to shoot someone, and I don't care who hears it...

I should really quit saying that, thats why I got in trouble at work. Its what is the life of me. Its what will always be the life of me... both good and bad... my mouth, my fucking loud mouth, where I never hesitate to hold my tongue, and always say... (well always at inappropriate times) whats on my mind.

I'm never assertive enough. I'll never be strong enough, or bold enough, or sexy enough, or smart enough....

I'll never be enough, because I'm always looking up to impossible standards. My own. And I wonder why noone wants to date me. I think I purposely try to scare them off, so I don't have to deal with them. Its easier being alone. Mostly.