Depressed more than ever.
I don't know how to cope with my job, and my medical problems, not just the depression, mostly the asthma, and the migraines. They really get me down. I try to get help with all of it, and nothing seems to really help. It goes thru phases. Right now, I'm really sad. I don't want to write about it, because it makes me think of suicide more.
It all came, from... my boss sitting me down yesterday, not at his desk, we went to a private office- to talk about what happened on Tuesday. The asthma attack. I sat there, barely able to breathe, and they are asking me what to do. I don't know, this never happened to me before. I said just call, the ambulance. Not what I wanted, but I didn't know what to do. So again. I'm not really treated, I went to my Dr. the next day. He states my lungs are clear, and its fine for me to get my shots. Lets increase the Advair he says. And thats that. I cry just thinking about it. I don't know where or how to get a new dr. and I can't handle all this. I just want to curl up in a ball and die.
I just want to die. At least part of me does. The other part wants to fight, but I have no fight left. I fought to get here, and I'm still back at square one. I can't afford my medications. I can't afford my car. I can't afford to live. I don't know what to do. I feel like such a loser, because all I've done is fuck up, since I moved here with my aunt, never working hard enough, never paying enough, and now... I want to.. and I can't.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment