Feeling better...

C. called last nite. I was quite surprised. He called back again today, wanting to see about doing something tonite. I want to invite him over to watch a movie, but the house is a mess, and Sally has been sleeping on the couch. Her bf is a pain in the ass. Oh well, thats life.

I'm feeling more positive, was able to talk to Lisa today, kind of getting things out, writing always helps. I realize, some of the things, I do sort of wish were different, although, in reality, I do wish sometimes that they were, I don't really want them to be. I know things happen for a reason. And the more my life goes on, the more I want to know, the more I experience, the more valuable my knowledge is.

After I got done, chatting with T., if you call it that. A bit of a one sided conversation, ending with me getting upset, and going to bed my bed crying myself to sleep, missing him, and knowing none of it really matters to him. (or thinking that anyway). I always have so much I want to tell him, part of me has been wanting him back lately.. and glad I didn't say anything to him. I realize that I'm just healing from the loss. It just hurts more, because Darian misses him as much as I do. I'm angry at him. He's right, he shouldn't have told me, of the future he wanted with me, and the fact that he did, hurts more. If I didn't have ideas about the future, that he input, I'd of been ok with us breaking up, and would of let him go. But I find that, knowing he loves me, hard to not be together..

I believe, if you truely love someone, everything else is a minority. That love conquers all, to some extent I believe. I just wanted to build a healthy relatinship with him, and I was in a place then, that that would of been impossible.

Part of me just wants to ask him for a second chance, part of me says, let it go, move on, he has. Thing is, everyone I think, thinks i've moved on, because I date, and I do this, and I do that... but.. I've not moved on, working on it though. Just not sure how to completely get over the anger I have lately.