I guess...

I guess I should explain my previous post, so I don't freak anyone out. I got wrote up at work. It really pisses me off.
1. because they say I have a prior verbal warning...
2. because I have the fucking worst luck in the world.
3. because I really did fuck up....

at work, I had a really bad call, Escalation was NOT helpful, as usual, and then the provider started giving me a hard time. In between the transfer I said.... " I'd like to shoot someone ( not sure I mite of said myself), and I don't care who hears me." Well they heard the call, it was recorded. The girl on the other end, a claims specialist for UHG, didn't seem to say anything, and I apoligized to her if she heard it. So I'm not sure if she turned me in, or if, by luck it was recorded, either way...

I'm pretty much about to be fired. I'm not even sure what the verbal warning is.... I'm a bit confused about that.

Either way.... I'm not really suicidal... though I sometimes wonder why I bother. Right now, I'm trying to make a better life for myself, for Darian, and build a future we both can enjoy. I'm just not sure where to go with it all. I'm so confused, so lost, and feel so hopeless.....