Tired...

Blah.. Tired today. Got up at quarter to six, so I could see my new therapist by seven. It was worth it.. but I'm still tired. She's nice, a little neurotic, but nice. She has mood swings like me. I feel better when my therapist shares wierd info like that with me. I talked and talked and talked w/ her today. The hour went by fast. Kind of makes me think I could be a therapist, but then... well I think I'd have trouble with boundaries. I care too much. I want to take care of everyone.

I'm hurting bad now, because I want to do something with my life. Something to help people. I'm not sure what to do though. I'm tired of not doing my share for the world/earth.. etc. I want to make a difference. I think that would make me happy. Overall though. I am doing better. The meds seem to have stopped the excessive crying. I've made it thru my stressful week. Monday & Tuesday were a breeze, Wednesday.. was a bit difficult and yesterday was ok.. it helped that I got to try to help get this poor little bat out of the office. He someone got into here.

That.. and Wednesday, I had some good orgasms. I had some help from... "J" my photographer friend. He watches me on cam, and we talked on the phone. Its very arousing. I'd love for him to come and take some pictures of me. He loves watching.. it makes me hot.

Regardless.. I'm still lonely. Lately I've been thinking of T... more than usual. I don't rather enjoy that... because I've come to the conclusion.. that in reality.. we aren't really friends. Its not like it was before.. and it never will be. I'm not important in his life... and there isn't anything I can do to change that. I try to communicate with him... and I get nothing in return. Nothing substantial anyway.... and I feel like its just me. I feel like I'm not important enough to communicate with.

On another note.... I was supposed to have a date on Mother's day weekend, because Sally was supposed to leave town.. but she's not leaving.. so this sucks. Not sure if I'll keep the date or not. blah.