The Tapes

I wish I could explain to him,
How I feel.

The sadness,
The anger,
The attitude,
Who can understand what is real?

Actions speak louder than words,
I always say,
How can I show him
I love him,
When my acting out,
gets in the way.

My intentions
never bad,
My voice,
getting sad.

I tell him its not him,
And its not,
It's the inner me,
It's my inner thought.

The thought,
The tapes,
playing over and over.
The ones that say,
"You aren't so great!"

They tell me,
I'm bound to repeat the past,
They tell me,
This love, will never last.

They show me, I've set
Myself up again,
And again.
This is exactly
where I've already been.

I tell myself "NO",
This time is different,
But I still hear
The tape playing,
And listen in fear.