Welcome to Winter

Snow, coming...
ha, finally Dare is happy. So happy.

I am semi looking forward to the weekend. Its a long drive, the weather is supposed to suck, and I'm in the car with my bitchy ass sister, and all I keep hearing in my head is her bf, my friend, saying... "oh, she's only like this because she's pregnant." MY ASS. But he's one for excuses himself. I say this, because I believe this. I feel like people judge me when I say things like this, because I'm not saying I make excuses. But if I felt like talking about that I would. Yes, I sometimes do make excuses. It just tires me, people making excuses for others. It reminds me of my family. Reminds me of many many many wrong things.

Reminds me of my mother, of her family, of the wrongness involved. Their excuses.

It makes me sad.

I have had some really nice conversations with my man lately and feel better about publicly bringing out the wrong in my life. The past hurt, so I can show the truth I've been needing to get out for years. Over the past 3 years mostly, I've been struggling alot. This past year was hell for me. I was barely functional for over half the year. I beat myself up for everything. I now know it doesn't have to be that way. I don't have to wear the label on the front of my shirt. I don't have to wear it at all. I can peel it off and throw it away. I have found many reasons to live, and learned many coping skills. I've found someone who wants to stick by me, and has given me hope that I have the strength within myself to move past the obstacles I've been dealing with. He's also given me a shoulder to lean on, one that I know is strong. I've finally found someone who is looking for the same things, at the same time. It feels great.

Right now, I'm missing him.
But, I know that all is ok, and that he loves me.