Dying

I've been thinking about it a lot lately...
I'm afraid..
I'm scared. Each time I've gotten closer. What is their to stop me now?
Nothing... not a damn fucking thing.

I have a bf, but he wouldn't notice, he'd just think I was busy, or maybe even mad at him.. for not spending enough time with me. T. wouldn't miss me for days.. either would Lisa....

My family back home wouldn't miss me till Sally told me something.. and if I did it at the right time, Sally wouldn't miss me for 12 hours or so.. its just a matter of timing...

As is everything... in life.. and in death...

Then there is R., I meet him today.. He's nice... and sweet. and treated me well, just a little too agressive, and couldn't understand why I wouldnt' kiss him (duh!! i have a bf)...... He mite be the only one that would miss me.. first.. He said he worries about the things I say sometimes... and I don't blame him...

But.. noone on this earth deserves to be with me.. it would be like a life spent in hell.... .. So I guess I know why I spend my nites home alone crying...

I guess noone says it better than Nirvana, " I hate myself and want to die.."