Getting FUCKED... by a big cock

Well.. I'm not.. though I wish I was. I know I'm a fucking perv lately.. but..
well. I've been horny.. and well T. called last week, and phone fucked me... god.. I love that shit from him.. he knows exactly when I'm going to cum, and he always whispers just the right words.. that help me..

Believe u, me.. I wish T. was here tonite to fuck the hell out of me.. but I wish that more than that.. sometimes.. that I didn't have such a guilty conscience... and.. well that actually has nothing to do with T., it doesn't help. I know, even when we were dating, he didn't care if I fucked someone else. That bothered me then, and well.. still bothers me. That is one thing I wonder... would of been a problem if we stayed together... but anyway.. my point..

This guy.. my sister introduced me to him, owns a game shop.. whooohooo.. and well. seems intelligent.. cool, and is fucking hot.. asked me if I'd fuck him today.. (he's close, about an hour away.. only a few minutes from my job).... then... he turns on his cam... next think i know.. he's stroking his cock.. and.. well NO i wasn't offended. It was nice, long and just the right thickness... Damn did I feel like a little slut... I enjoyed the show.. which he let me watch right thru, even though i would masterbate on cam for him. I didn't say I didn't do anything.. I at least.. had to show him... how i suck my titties.. but damn.... now I'm even more fucking hornier, and have noone to help me with my prob. I wish T. would call tonite, though I don't think he will.. he's dissappeared on me.. again.. (whats new).. though.. . I'm sure, since from what I saw of his blog, that... he was busy defeating Halo 2 (congrats btw).... Still doesn't make me miss him any less..

I know I should.. just give up, and call it quits, why.. pine over a guy, that obviously.... will never give you what you want, and doesn't even want to fucking try.. at this point... I just can't get him out of my head. I read from his blog, more things that I want to see, about who he flirts with... and I keep saying.. why isn't he here with me? I'm not good enough, I'm not sexier enough.. I'm not what he wants or needs.... So why do I torture myself like this? I cry most nites about it.. I think about him constantly, everything reminds me of him. Its just, even if he decided he wanted me.. our lifestyles are so much different.... and because of this whole thing.. I don't see us working things out .. because I'll be scared with every little conflict that he will abandon me.... and in end, that would fuck up everything, because I would share with him my feelings, and would lead back to where its at now. So why?? i ask myself again. do i keep fucking torturing myself??? I mean.. we are so different.. I'm a people person, I don't need much alone time, and he seems to always need it.. well at least I feel that way.... I'd rather be with the person I love.. being kissed and carressed.. or playing video games w/ them... rather than by myself...

So anway.. to change the subject to something more enlightening.. I really wished I didn't get such a guilt trip thing going on.. That guy.. really had a nice cock.. it was really fuckable... but unfortunately. .. I have a conscience...

and in my own reality... I only want T. ... Though... even if that's all he wants... is a good lay.. I wouldn't mind... I miss being with him... he's everything I always wanted in a husband... (when we are together).....