Date

Went on a date, with, lets say.... S. Nice guy attractive, but already seems a little needy. I like him though. I just feel like all I will do is hurt him. I'm still in love with CG it will be a while before I am able to move on. I'm not wanting to be anyone's rebound girl.

We went to the Pagoda, tried not to kill ourselves going down. Sat on this concent, building type shelter thingy for a while, while my obsessive sister called to talk to me about my daughter. Then I got to talk to Darian as well. She sounded so sweet. I miss her, but as well its nice to have a bit of vacation. Everyone is worried that when she goes to visit my ex, that he will try something. I worry too, but I feel I have to do this. I hope the hell I'm not wrong about this. After that, we hiked up the hill.. stopping every so often to chit chat, and to catch our breathe.

Then after that, we went to eat. Do technically since he paid for dinner, to me it was a date. He didn't try to hit on me though... which is good, he put his hand lightly on my back, at pointe=s during our walk. We went to Infinito's the all you can eat pizza place, that serves Pepsi.. hhheeheh....

Then after that, I wasn't sure what to do, and I knew he'd have to leave soon, plus my shows come on at 9pm on Sunday nite, I was like, lets just go back to my house and hang... well because he already knew where I lived, because I had to give Francis a ride to work. So we watched TV. He was supposed to work overtime, but called in, mostly I think because he didn't want to leave.

To be continued....

continuation.....

So, he's already asked me where this is going to go... What do I say? I tell him, I'm in love with my ex still, and that this will take me a while to get over the pain and hurt. It will take me a while to move on. I'm not looking for something serious right now. And I'm not. But should I say? I feel he's too needy, and that he's kind of pushing it already?

He says, he's ok with friends, and that that is what he is needing right now, but he's already talking about me meeting his family, and also about meeting mine. My sister was obsessively calling me yesterday, so he got to hear about my fucked up family. Should I run? He seems nice. He's attractive. But I already understand why women would run away. He has a decent job though, and has two cars, but he's divorced with two children, and lives with his parents. I know how that is, but if I was 40.. or even like some of my ex's 36... I'd definately be suicidal then. I can't imagine, having some of my goals accomplished by that age. ( no offense to my ex's that read this... ) Although, I know I can't handle living alone, if I'm not married, I'd hope I'd of built something for myself and my children.. (child.. etc)... by then.

I love CG, more than anything. I know we can't be together. But I want him to realize, he deserves more. Despite his mistakes... he deserves better, I just want him to realize that. He deserves happiness.. just like we all do.