Negatory

Is that a word? Either way.. its the word I'm thinking of.
As days go by, I get angrier and angrier at him. He's not called, and hasn't taken my calls either. Curse that fucking caller ID.

I can't figure out why he's not talking to me. Unless he reads this, but I doubt he even takes the fucking time. I really don't think I matter to him, anymore..

He still didn't explain to me.. about the whole.. letter he wrote her, and because he lied to me, I'm wondering if he even did. After he lied to me, I doubt anything that comes out of his mouth.

His text message, he still won't explain to me, I wrote him an email Sunday nite, and no response, nor... anything... ( I wrote a poem too)...

I've given my heart to him, and he's taken it, chewed it up, swallowed it, and shit it out all over the place. It kills me...

So why do I care if he ever talks to me again??? I love him. I had hope. I'm stupid. I'm ignorant. Apparently I love men that can't commit and that hurt me. I love men, that are "unavailable", either physically, mentally or emotionally.

He wants her, and has made that clear. He told me for now I am his though. And I'm not, she will always be his priority, and I can't compete with that...

I'm much better than to even try to compete with her. I feel she's worthless. She's a user, of people and drugs. She has a non-compliant attitude, and seems to feel that being in jail should give her something. My opinion- from the letters I read, when I was being nosy.

I'm still pissed.. because he said... "I still want to know, why you feel you have a right to be nosy" , it floored me... because I don't feel I have a right, I just want to know. I don't hide things from him, but all he has done, and continues to do, is hide things from me. I talked to my therapist about this, and she stated, "well you guys are sleeping together, aren't you?" and I replied, "YES".. and she said.. "that gives you some right."

Oh well, either way, he's either mad at me or he's decided to try to step away. I know he has a busy week, but... he would of had time to call, if he wanted. It just really fucks me off, he's doing it this way. We both have been really immature when we are fighting.

I have alot of growing up to do.