Fucked Off

CG.. well I'm not sure if we are talking again... but I was down there Wednesday nite, and we had wild sex all nite. Yes, it was fun, but it wasn't the same as it used to be. I have trouble with orgasm, which I didn't really have before. It feels different a bit too, because I feel upset when I'm with him. He always soothes me and comforts me, but its not the same, because I know we aren't together. I don't have any unrealistic hopes... I know what we are. Just fuck buddies.

When I was leaving Thursday... something was said with the word fuck, and I don't remember offhand what it was. Then he said, " I like fucking you!" I was rather insulted and upset with him, and let him know when he tried to kiss me again when I left. To me, whether its wild or kinky or whatever.. its still me making love to him. It always will be. I love him with all my heart. So then, we talked for a few minutes longer, and with tears in my eyes, I stated, "Everyone just thinks I'm your booty call.", and he replied, " You know thats not true, its the other way around." I laughed, because it was funny, and in a way... he's partially correct, because I go there to get my needs met, the sexual ones, the physically ones, and the mental ones. I feel good when I'm in his arms. I feel safe. I feel love. I feel beautiful and wanted. Yet, so much anymore it hurts like hell.

So the other thing I'm pissed about is my car got hit. Just a little bump, with a scratch, but it still pisses me off, and I want to kill the fucker who did it. I can't afford to get it fixed, and it will probably be less than my deductible, which fucks me off. Plus I'm trying to get new insurance... which makes the whole thing more frustrating.... GRRRRRRRRRRR