Punky

Got a letter from Punky today. It was nice to hear from him, although, he questions my questions. I asked him for sort of a timeline of the time we spent together, partly because I'm forgetful, and partly because... I just want his account of our time/relationship together.

One thing though.. is he told me I shouldn't tell my man about him, and how I love him. I do love Punky, although I'm not in love with him. I tell my bf about it, because he's one of my best friends, and its wrong to hide things from your other like that. He asked me.. how would I feel if my bf told me he loved someone else. How ironic, my bf, CG, told me that, and he chose her over me.. because of his promise.

And although we made an agreement not to see or talk to each other again, I ended up in his arms again last nite. He gave me the attention and love I needed. Although I'm pissed cuz I was almost really late for work, because it took me 4 hours to get here. I don't know what to do about our relationship.

I think.. and think and think... I wonder if I were to become pregnant what would he do. Would he leave me.. would I be alone raising a child. Already the sex has become different, and I know its because I'm hurt. I miss knowing I was his only women, I miss my dreams of the future. I miss thinking I'm the only one. I miss thinking I'm special to him.

I love the way he looks at me and tells me I'm beautful, and brushes my hair from my face. I love that, and the way we snuggle when we go to sleep, how he wraps his legs around mine, and holds me close. I love when he kind of just lays on top of me, or me on him, and hold each other.