Excited, looking forward to my date, at least I think its a date, I'll confirm if its a date... or it is... just hanging out... tonite. He seems nice. He's definately cute, and seems motivated and careing. Good qualities. Very good...
I've been anxious though, and not about the above with I've written about. I feel like I'm having anxiety attacks. I feel for much of the day... (for the last four days)... like I'm standing in front of a group of people giving a speech. I don't know why I'm feeling this way, and its getting really stressful. I told the DR. as well as my therapist, and I'm trying to get an appt with my primary care DR, about this sore throat thing. Its not sore so much, as my tonsils are swallen... its been about a month now. Its rediculous...
Thinking about CG, as usual... he drives me mad. I wonder if we will talk tonite, and if so, what will go on. Part of me is mad at him.. about all this... and part of me really wants to move on.... but I need someone special to step into my life to do that.
I'm afraid because of my problems, that my meeting guys that I'm looking for, may be almost impossible. Its hard for a "normal" person to have any idea what I've gone thru. The man has to be fucked up as well, in order to really understand me. I'm not sure thats really true, but it seems to have become true. Thats messed up.. huh?
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