Another Day

I didn't do much. What's new. I always say that, but its not totally true. I went to my DBT Group today. I always wonder why I'm there, when I'm there. I'm learning the skills, but some of the stuff is common sense. It's just when I'm in distress, I can't seem to cope at all. I'm worried about the meds. I have a matter of days to decide. Then I talk to the Dr. Get his opinion, and make my decision. Do the meds really make a difference?

I truely believe they don't. Or do I? I want to listen to what people say, because, both times I messed with my meds, things ended up badly. But.... This last time. I was getting more and more depressed. I was like, why am I taking these meds? Especially if they aren't helping? I got more depressed, kept forgetting to take them, and then, just didn't take them.

Things are different now. I'm not at a job that emotional stirs me everyday. I'm not dealing with people screaming at me, for insurance laws. I'm not dealing with that whole environment. I'm not dealing with being in a relationship that I'm not sure about. I'm not dealing with daycare, and transportation expenses. Or how to juggle that and therapy, and everyones schedule.

I am home most days. I have two appts a week, during the day, while my daughter is at school. I spend lots of time with her. I don't wonder what she's doing because I know. She rarely goes to a sitter. She likes having me around, and its only when I've been off work that I've been able to be there for her. When I was working at The Hartford, I worked, and went to school, and never saw her. I didn't wake up with her, I didn't tuck her in. I'd come home late and kiss her, or watch her for a few minutes. No more wondering what's going on at school, or who her friends are. But, of course, I'm having alot of financial problems, but thats nothing new. I've never made enough to support myself and my daughter.

So... my dilema of the day. Meds or no meds... that is the question...