I'm lost....

I'm so lost, so sad, so angry.
For so many reasons.

I'm scared I'm going to lose him.
I'm anxious 24/7.
I've had a migraine for 3 weeks almost.
Today is the first speck of relief I've had.

I miss him. I'm upset because he isn't calling back when he says he is. I'm more upset because he acts like its only been two seconds since we talked. Not that he disappeared for over 24 hours. That is what upsets me. Instead of saying... "oh honey, I'm sorry, I did this or that or whatever!"

I understand he's busy. But I can't understand broken promises persay. When you say your going to call someone you call them. If it happens on occassion, fine it happens. But every time? Please!

He's probably going to read this and be like, I don't know, worried about me or something, but maybe thst's why I chose to write it here.

I'm so lonely. I can't stand this. I have nothing. I know or I wish I had school to go back to... but I don't. I don't talk to the guys I used to on the phone. Partly because I know it can lead to trouble, but partly out of respect for him, and that I wouldn't like him talking to chics, so i give him the same curtesy. But I don't think he realizes how much I've changed my behaviours for him. For US! Sometimes I think he thinks I'm playing him. I don't get it.

I get people telling me every day. He's playing you. He's this or he's that. When there would be no reason for it. He hasn't got anything from me. Well he has my love, and if he's playing me for that, thats sick and cruel. I don't believe he is, but when I hear things like today, I get really really upset.

We barely talked, and when I finally spoke up and said I was upset. He said... " Yeah, I'm not good enough for you!" And I didn't know what to say. When I tried to say something, the phone disconnected again, for like the 3rd time. I think he kept calling me back like 4 or 5 times. I guess he gave up. He needs to get his phone fixed or something. How are we supposed to have a relationship?

I got so upset with my sister. I told her, finally what he said that really upset me, and she assured me he was a busy man, but then was like, "we all know how long distance relationships turn out." Apparently bad. I don't feel this one should be this way, but right now I'm lost, and scared, and I don't know what I'm feeling. I just want to know that I'm loved, and I don't feel it right now.