Depression sets in.
I need to get motivated and do something with my life. Where does this new outlook on life come in at? Something that was said to me from my "friend", something he said to me, really got to me. I didn't change my mind about wanting to be part of his life, I'm actually more determined, trying to assess the situation, and figure out, what I can do to win him back. I love him, I know he loves me, and it breaks my heart that we aren't together. I want to share my life with him, I want to share our future, our struggles, our goals. Life is so much easier, when you have someone there by your side. Sure, I meet these other guys, a few of them have attracted me, but none can compare to the way I still feel about him. Part of me, just wants to spend another day with him, in regards to whether or not, I should continue to pine over him, or if I should just suck it up and move on. He hasn't given me that chance though, and I'm not sure if/when he will.
Right now, I'm so broke, I'm at a loss, and not sure what to do. I feel like I fucked up really bad, buying this car, and not sure what to do about my insurance either. I'm so fucked off.
Something stupid I mite of done, I signed up for Melaleuca again. Not sure that I will be able to make any money off of it, but going to do research on how helpful the products are to the environment, and maybe that will just make me feel better knowing I'm polluting the earth a little less. I set my recycleing out today. That made me feel good. I wish I could do more, to help save this earth. BUT I'm at a loss.
Some days, I strike out, to get something done, I'm going to make a difference, then the other part of me .. says..."why fucking bother, just go buy a gun"
It doesn't seem to matter what one tries to do, to change the world, fate is not in our own hands.
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