Duh

Blogger wasn't working on and off for me the last few days. There were a few days, that I would of loved to post. I'm tired of meeting obsessive guys.

I miss T. He doesn't seem to understand. I wish I could sort things out with him, and we could get back together. He's too busy he says though. I'm wondering today, if his whole, not seeing me, is his in regard to my feelings, or more in regard to his feelings. I told him I missed him last nite. He told me I didn't. How could I. I feel like, although we've fought more after we broke up, we've gotten to know each other more and more. Part of me knows how things are is this way for a reason, but it doesn't stop me from wanting to change things, and be part of his life. I love him. I always have, I always will, I started falling for him, way before he told me he loved me. Its just, I was too much in turmoil, and pain, to let it be known. I was so hurt when he canceled on me. Sure I was in a bad place back then, it was the only thing that kept me from offing myself all week. Then the time came, and there was nothing to look forward to anymore. I just had this stupid boyfriend, EPB, that was obsessed with me, and didn't understand me at all, or what it was I was looking for out of life. He lacked motivation, which was a major turn off.

I want a man to take care of me, in some ways... but in most ways I can take care of myself. I want to be needed in my life. I'm not sure I care whether my therapist thinks its healthy.. or whether it is or not. I want to be needed, and I don't think there is nothing wrong with it. I'm not completely lost without being needed... I just feel better when I am needed.

I have to go back to work, so ... TO BE CONTINUED...