Lonely tonite. Sad. Partly from lack of sleep. Did a turn and burn, up to visit my family. Got to see almost everyone. Got lots of hugs, and had a good time. But no sleep. I think I slept like 3-4 hours a nite, the last two nites. Partly from me staying up too late, partly from this cough. Although, still coughing, the asthma attacks are less, and coughing also, and I have almost my full voice back.
My car was great driving. I LOVE HER. Wish I could think of a name for her.
I need something more, I want something more in my life. I'm tired of this shit. Part of me just wants to run off and do something crazy, like be a race car driver, or an environmental activist.... or something, .. something that means something...
Then the other part, just wants to share my life with someone special, someone who loves me. Someone who needs me.
I hate my life on times like these. I think I have PMS, but my period.. of course hasn't started... and all I want to do is cry... and/or jump off a bridge. Actually more than that, I just wish he were here, holding me... snuggling so close, with his head on my breasts, so I could fall asleep in his arms...
I hate those stupid thoughts though. I try to have more positive thoughts, and they come down to these. Stupid fantasies about the past, about something that will never happen, no matter how much hope I hold out. I wish I could view the future, and just see if it is a waste of time. I wish I could do something. Anything.
I need to get a new job. I need to get a life. Tired of this one. Tired of never seeing my daughter, tired of being lonely.
Don't let me fool you, I just want a steady bf, so I can get laid.. all the time... ahahah.. I WISH.
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