Friday

My Friday was pretty good. I was a bit emotional though. PMS I'm sure. Went to lunch with Justin, I agreed, it was a nice lunch, We went with Dare to McDonald's, and she got to play on playland, it was a beautiful day. I started bawling at one point though, when she was outside, and he came in and asked me about it.

I'm so frustrated with the Dr's and therapists, and how things work. Its almost impossible to get help, unless you aren't functional. I hate that I'm high functional sometimes. So much is expected from me, from others, its hard, especially after the expectations I set for myself.

Still haven't heard from a few of the guys I went out with that last few weeks. Got a brief email from T. (just the normal, I think he sends that just so I quit worrying if he is alive or not). Some days I think I'm over him, and have moved on, other days... I wonder. Today is one of those days, I think I'm over him. Today is one of those days, I'm a little mad at him .. for him not doing anything, for him, messing with my heart. I think about the relationship and wonder what I really saw in it, there wasn't much to it. He never followed thru. We didn' really spend much time together. Part of me.. wonders if it was more than a sexual infatuation. Well it was for me, but... I really don't understand his side of it. He'll read this I'm sure, and wonder why I'm bitching about him, when he didn't do anything. And I'll answer this while he's reading.

1. I like to bitch
2. I have PMS
3. I'll still mad at you because I feel that you never follow thru.
4. I'm frustrated because I just want a companion, and you led me on.. (although I have guilt in this also, as I allowed myself to be led on.
5. Because I miss my friend.