I spent the night there last night. It was good as usual. I've missed him. I love him. I love being with him. Its not about sex, and I'm not trying to say that to convince myself, because although we have this animal desire for each other, I always want sex more than he does. He makes me feel good. He makes me feel special.
I love that I don't really have to work, and that I turn him on so easily. I know exactly what he likes. He knows exactly what turns me on. He gave me a nice massage last nite, and kisses all over. I love that. One thing led to another.. I came, and we held each other for a long time. He always makes sure I get what I want. Its not even about orgasm though, its just about being together, being that close, being one. Neither one of us can seem to stay away from the other. We both don't want to let go.
I know I keep saying, he'd hold me back, that in the long run we wouldn't be good together... but i wonder about that now. Maybe that's why I can't let go. I think I could be good for him. I think he'd encourage me to follow my dreams, I'd have someone there by my side. It would always be a struggle though, with his record, we'd always struggle. I don't think he should be alone in his struggle.
I met his kids today. His daughter seems like a typical teen. She has a sweet voice... and I'd love to get to know her better. One thing I found though, I can hear the frustration in his voice with his kids. He doesn't know what to do with them. He always said, the kids need a mother in their life, but I think its him that needs them to have a mother in their life. I think he needs it. I know how he feels, I feel the same way, with my daughter, and she's so well behaved... I feel at wits end, and she doesn't really do anything wrong. I don't know... I just wonder what happens from here.
I'm so upset about my car getting hit, finances... , and whether we will move or not... I don't really know what to do...
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2 comments:
Hello Jae,,
I must say i stumbled on to your site accidently tonight while browsing the web..you live quite a life and im sorry to hear about alot of the stress you endure. Im 53 and dated and know of alot of what your going through..my ex had a thing for one of her ex's and all he did was use her, lie to her, said the things she wanted to hear until he found someone else. People are really cruel Jae. If he wants to be with this girl in prison,then you should have left him the minute you heard that, forget the good sex, the love and all you feel..he dont want you and was honest enough to say it. You have to let this go, your going to torture yourself. I also know of the situation you went through on this date you had too..Older divorced guys are normally raked through the coals with DR issues. He probably had it hard to and that is why he is staying at his parents house. Did he talk about wanting to be on his own? if he has goals he will reach them..I did and Im happy today..it takes time. He may feel lonely like I did too and sometimes will over express himself. Try and get to know him. Dont push him to the curb. You both may fall in love one day you never know. You said he agrees to be friends despite your situation, thats a sign of devotion and good morals right there..hes not just looking for a piece. but number 1..you HAVE to let this guy CG go no matter what the cost..take this from and old man..he is not worth it! despite what he says..Good luck and take care and please pardon me for barging in on your site..Good Luck Jae Ann!
good luck Jae...please give him up!
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