Life AND Death

I hate going from feeling ok.. to feeling miserable, because of the way I take peoples words and attitudes. My gramma is always dogging me. SHe blamed me for my aunt not calling, cuz my aunt is talking to me online. Her throat hurts. My gram just ignores me. What do I do. I have been trying to do what i've learned of my coping skills. It doesn't help. I have tears in my eyes.. and my heart hurts. Hurts from the pain. I can't stand it. My thoughts then go to dying, to cutting. I know I can control that. .. but they thoughts, they border obsessive... they won't go away when I feel like this.

I need to be held, I need to feel loved. I don't feel loved here. I hate that my grandmother acts this way. I know I can't change her.. but I don't know why I should sit here and take this. I have nowhere else to go though. I just want to curl up in a ball and die.