Stop Searching, I Have Found The Meaning of Life

I sometimes wish I had more time to write, but what would I write? It mite get boring if I write too much. ļ Well, anyway, my day was pretty uneventful. Went to the hospital, chatted with C. and checked email. Checked out some beautiful wedding dresses online. Stuff like that. I feel kind of out of it today though. A little dizzy and out there. Not sure if it is just my body getting over the sickness, or another bad side effect from another medication. I guess I will find out in a few days, if I still feel crappy. Got to go for a walk today, just down to the post office, but it got me out of the house. Now if the weather could always just be as nice as it is today.

I worry about my grammas dog, Curly. She¡¦s been snapping a lot at my daughter. Yes my daughter does do some things to agitate, but today, Curly just snapped at her when she was trying to get a blanket from behind her. I just hope she doesn¡¦t bite my daughter. I will raise holy hell if she does. My gram needs to get that dog to the vet; something is just not right with her. She has coughing fits and stuff.

Why is the meaning of life such a mystery? I sometimes wonder this, like now. But if we knew the meaning of life, why would we go on living. My guess is that we wouldn¡¦t. It¡¦s hard for me to look back at the times, and realize that I really wanted to die. I did. Sometimes I still do, but I realize that I have a lot to live for. I want to change people¡¦s lives, and I have my whole life to do that. I don¡¦t know how exactly I will do that just yet, but I will. I have faith. I think that has a lot to do with wanting to life. The faith and trust in the future. Without faith, or something positive to look forward to, what is there? Nothing. With nothing, there is no future; with no future there is no reason to live. I¡¦ve felt exactly that way, way too many times to count.

I feel happiness inside most of the time now. When I do feel sad, I try to think of the good things in life. Sometimes they are so hard to remember though, because they are clouded by the negative things.

I found some old journals I had written a while back. I am hoping to get a chance to reread them tomorrow, if there is anything interesting, I will post some of the things here.
Well, it is about my bedtime so I will sign off now.