Wednesday, January 14, 2004

OH.. what a beautiful day.... Beautiful People.. Beautiful People...

Anyway.. was doing some research on Euthansia for my sister, S. and ran across a cool essay. Also got to see that they are having some cool concerts at Darien Lake this summer. Hope I get to go to some. I've been lucky lately.. as I've had a few wonderful friends always keeping in touch with me. It keeps the smile on my face.... and makes my life less depressing.

My gram.. says she knows.. that I stole the money from her. ((( I KNOW MY SISTER DID IT))) it pisses me off to no end. I would never steal from my grandmother!! ever!!! She thinks I'm evil. Says I cut myself and tried to commit suicide for attention!! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!? She says I wouldn't even cry when she died. I would.. alot. As much as she pisses me off.. I would cry. I hate that I even say mean stuff to her.. and swear at her..but I don't know what to do. SHe just thinks I'm the worse person in the world. SHe still harasses Darian and pisses her off. She belittles me every chance I get. Saying, I'm not doing anything to get better. SHe thinks I should just snap out of it.

I'm still debating going to stay with my mother for a bit. I don't like the smoking honestly, and am not sure if I can deal with my mom's demands.. DO this.. DO that.. blah blah blah.. she is too lazy... and then uses her arm as a bigger excuse.. I think she learned she can't do this at Christmas when everyone harassed her. I don't know.. still a thought on my mind.

Still haven't talked to C. much.. but had a little time this morning. Things are going ok. Still have no idea what will go on in our future. He says he will reapply in two months time.

No thoughts of suicide.. or cutting today. Feelings of sadness were overwhelming when i was fighting with my gramma though.

I worked out today.. Stretching for ten minutes.. run/walking for 22... and did the stairs a few times.. :) much more active today.

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